Ideas we would pitch to a Network Exec. if we were allowed to pitch ideas to a Network Exec.

Sitcom: ME, GOD, AND THE NEIGHBORS. See, Jack's gay and he doesn't believe in God. That is, until God starts talking to him through his electronic toothbrush. As Jack learns about God and God learns about gays, Jack's neighbors, the Voorhees' are secretly taping Jack and his conversations. They think he's crazy and want to have him committed because they're homophobic, and because they want to buy his property to put in a pool. But they realize that even though they can't see God, and they still think Jack is crazy, the stuff that Jack is saying make a lot of sense. So they decide that gay people are okay, and that they like their neighbor a lot. So they invite him over for barbecue on Sunday. And Jack brings God (his toothbrush). And God has never tasted ribs (he doesn't eat pork) so he wants to try it and the Voorhees' catch Jack rubbing the toothbrush all over the ribs saying "Mmm...taste it, God. It's good." And they get upset and throw him out. And the whole time the Devil is there, disguised as a pie.

*****

Movie: Untitled. It's a rip-off of Fahrenheit 451 except instead of books being memorized it's topical humor.

• "Hello, I'm Nixon jokes."
• "Hello, I'm Helen Keller jokes."
• "Hi, I'm Lewinsky jokes."
• "Hi, I'm Khomeni jokes."

These folks walk through the woods reciting humor of yesteryear. After generations pass it becomes a religion and is not funny but revered as scripture.

Then, some talking apes hear the "jokes" and laugh their hairy asses off.

Then, war.

Then jokes about war by "cutting-edge" apes.