"Hey, Guy! How's it goin'?" asks Jeff Simpleton as he grabs a beer. He never remembers my name. He's all right. "You doin' good?"

"Yeah, pretty good."

"Well, all right!"

He closes with a pat on my back. I go to the fridge.

What kind of beer do they have? Who was that?

"Jeff Simpleton. Pabst, Miller, Natural Light."

They went all out on the beer. Grab a Pabst. It's at least got character.

"You mean like BLUE VELVET?"

Yeah. Dennis Hopper was amazing. "PABST BLUE RIBBON!"

"Ow. Don't yell."

I drink for a bit and realize that I don't really know anyone here. The music sucks. Maybe I'm in a bad mood. Maybe I should drink some more. A dog walks by.

"Hi, doggie-"--before the dog can lift his head for petting my eye meets a girls mid-greeting and I turn red because she's real pretty and she may think I called her a dog.

What happened?

"Hi," she says with a half-awkward look with a cute smile.

Oh. Way to go, David.

"I was talking to the dog. Do you want a Pabst?"

"Okay."

Is she hot?

"Uh huh...I'm David."

"I'm Shirese."

"Did you try the Smokies? They're real good."

What are you doing?

I look at my watch for no reason at all. God, I'm a social retard. I don't care about the time. Why did I do that? Then I follow up with, "God, I could eat a hundred of them." Then, a really bad pause.

Compose yourself.