kp: How tall are you?
jbb: Six-foot-four.

kp: Tell us a story! What’s something crazy that’s happened to you on the road, as “The Vegas Guy”?
jbb: I go to so many casinos that I've had just about every kind of experience. Some welcome me with open arms, some with suspicion, and some told me to never come back (the Desert Diamond in Tucson)! I spent the whole day with Wayne Newton and his family last year, that was probably the coolest thing that's happened.

kp: I didn’t realize you were a gambler until you started “The Vegas Guy”. What’s your favorite poker game?
jbb: Definitely Texas Hold 'Em. I think it's the purest form of poker, and the most difficult.

kp: Awesome! I just played in a Hold-Em tournamet this year. We should play sometime.
jbb: I'll play poker with you anywhere, any time. My favorite place to play is the poker room at the Tropicana in Atlantic City.

kp: As a kid, I was taught to play pretty straight poker—no wild cards, no bullshit. Now every time I play, I meet people who play crazy games; each one has some special rule where you can buy an extra card, or the wild card changes based on what’s dealt. What the fuck?! I guess it can be fun, but it doesn’t feel like poker. Do you like these pussy games, or are you a straight shooter?
jbb: Well, on the one hand, I don't like those games with a lot of wild cards and variant rules. On the other hand, if you take the time to figure the odds on those games, you can win a lot of money. I don't like Omaha for the same reason. Omaha is about 70 per cent luck and 30 per cent skill. Hold 'Em is about 70 per cent skill and 30 per cent luck. If you want a game of pure chance, just play slot machines!

kp: So what movie should I go see this weekend?
jbb: "Barbershop," of course.

kp: Did you see the Country Bears movie?
jbb: I refuse on principle to watch any movie with the words "Bears" in the title.

kp: Do you miss Ted Turner?
jbb: I think Ted Turner misses Ted Turner. Did you notice how all his networks went downhill after he was forced to sell out to Time Warner (now AOL Time Warner)? And now, when they company is floundering, they're finally saying, "You know what? We need to put Ted back in charge." I think Ted's a genius.

kp: Do you think Lyle Lovett is still a panty-magnet?
jbb: I probably wouldn't be the one to ask about that, but from what I understand, he's still attracting the ladies, especially with his new super-sexy leg brace.

kp: Are you?
jbb: I have a reverse magnetic field. I'm attracted only to kittenpants and her kittenpanties.

kp: If only I were wearing any. Do you have any questions for kittenpants?
jbb: Yes, when are we going to see "Barbershop"?

kp: Anytime you want.

Thanks again to Joe Bob Briggs for the interview. Check out his articles, reviews, film finds, advice, and other news on joebobbriggs.com.