Questions from Uncle Sloppy

us: Have you ever thought about doing an all-dwarf Kittenpants musical?
kp: Done it. I was up for 12 Tony awards last year. Damn that Urinetown!

us: Why don’t you have Mario Van Peebles’ phone number yet?
kp: Because life is essentially unfair.

us: What’s the best episode of “Friends” to watch while masturbating?
kp: Any of them with the monkey.

us: Did you ever go to see a movie as a joke cuz you thought it would be so awful that you could laugh at but it ended up being one of your favorite movies ever?
kp: Yes.

us: Besides “Bring it On”?
kp: No.

us: Who would win in a fight? You or Brittany Murphy?
kp: A fistfight? Her. She was taught by Eminem. A rapping contest? Me.

us: If they re-cast Top Gun with Freddie Prinze Jr. and Martin Mull as Maverick and Goose respectively, would it cheapen the integrity of the film or increase it?
kp: Cheapen. God – totally. But if they recast it with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Charles Nelson Reilly, it would be so fucking awesome.

us: Who would play “Iceman”?
kp: Morris Day and the Time.

us: Would you rather go to Rye Playland with Beau Bridges, Jeff Bridges, Lloyd Bridges, Liam Neeson, the ghost of Jackie Gleason, or Jerry Reed?
kp: Jerry Reed. We could ride the little mini-trucks and he could sing “Eastbound and Down”.

us: What celebrity would you most like to build a “Making Mr. Right” style android replica of and why?
kp: John Malkovich. I have no originality. I would call him “Malkotrans”.