THE BYE-BYE ROOM
A children’s show where toddlers are lured into a secret room, shot through the head with a bolt thrower, and ground up to make dog food. Hosted by Regis Philbin and Alf.

This week: the Henderson triplets become the Henderson twins, with hilarious results.

THE OUTLAW FINGERBANG JONES
A western series about a silent drifter who travels from town to town fighting bandits and delivering his own brand of “justice” in the form of the fastest fingerbang in the West.

This Week: after killing the men who shot her husband, our hero fingerbangs Old Widow Jenkins till the cows cum home.

AFTER SCHOOL SPECIALS:
“The Trouble with Retards”
“Two French Buddies Get Real”
“Patches: the Torture Dog”
“Shattered Dreams, Broken Hearts, and Tender Taints”
“ZOO WORLD!!”
“Larry and Toby and Judy and Kate and the Neighborhood Mongoloid”
“City Bitches”
“WHY?!! The Peter Allen Story”
“The Bill Cosby Death Squad Variety Hour”
“Daddy, Help Me Learn to Have an Orgasm”
“Sid and Marty Kroft present: H.R. Rapingstuff’s Tree House of Shame”

CUDDLEFARM: THE JONATHAN LIPNICKI STORY
In this 5-part miniseries, experience the turbulent ups and downs of a child actor’s rise to fame. Highlights include dinner at Tom Cruise’s house, skinny dipping with Crispin Glover, and finding the cure for Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease.

PIE: THE MOTION PICTURE
A thickly-sliced drama involving a pie, a windowsill, and a dream. Narrated by Dolph Lundgren.

ANGEL DUST DAVE’S YANKEE WORKSHOP
Vietnam vet and Angel Dust addict, Dave Simmons, builds trophy cases using wood from his yard, then smashes them with his face after smoking Angel Dust.

This Week: Guest star Scott Baio runs for his life after accidentally spilling paint thinner on Dave’s stash.

AIDS: THE MUSICAL
(rerun)

CHOOSTER
A half-chicken/half-rooster lone gunman offers vigilante justice to the people he meets while searching for the scientists who created him.

This week: Chooster stumbles upon an abandoned child, reunites him with his mother, and fucks the living shit out of her Thanksgiving entrée.

OATMEAL PANTS: ATTORNEY AT LAW
A hot new Steven Bochco law drama starring a 35-year-old developmentally disabled obese man who is also a lawyer. He wins his cases by confusing the opposition when, at a crucial part of the trial, he dumps a boiling hot pot of oatmeal down his pants, runs around the courtroom, slobbers, soils himself, and shouts “How can you convict my client when I’ve got oatmeal in my pants?!!”

This Week: Oatmeal Pants astounds judge, jury, and the courtroom by asking in his closing argument, “Does anyone have any brown sugar?”