One day in 1985, Joey Hartnett received a letter that read:

I got the goods. You know what I’m sayin, Jack?

Hartnett was surprised that anyone still talked like that, but he was interested, so he agreed to meet the man who wrote the letter. The man introduced himself as Gregory Microsoft.

Microsoft convinced Hartnett that between the two of them, they could control the planet. Joey Hartnett quickly agreed, and made Microsoft vice-president of Millicomp International.

They wasted no time and began improving their product. Agreeing that the word "conculate" was outdated, they formed a new word: "calculate." In celebration of the new word, they called their improved machine the "Calculator."

The Calculator was a handheld machine that ran on batteries. It could add, subtract, multiply, divide, find square roots and plot graphs. It was by far the most amazing product ever created. Businesses were demanding them; Calculator factories popped up all over the country and pumped out amazing quantities in order to keep up with demand.

It became clear that the buyers wanted their Calculators to do bigger and better things. They wanted a machine that would take up an entire desk. The pressure was on Millicomp International, and rifts formed between the toppest of the top executives. Some left to form adding machine companies of their own, and Millicomp lost its hold on the market.

Joey Hartnett and Gregory Microsoft had to file for bankruptcy and they both faded off into oblivion. They could not compete in the new market. Adding machines became number machines, which became calculation devices, which became game machines, which eventually became the first machines that we now call "computers."

These "computers" began to evolve and improve and hold more information. Soon they became the almost perfect versions of our now perfect computers.

Kent Frollock and Brien Leisurly had been two of Millicomps top engineers and had left the company to work on their own product, the personal computer. This machine was designed to help everyday Americans do everyday things. It was a word processor, an adding machine, an accountant and video game unit all in one. It was the very first computer to be widely accepted as a fun pastime.

It was so fun, in fact, that nobody bothered to care how it worked. People had no interest in the dire consequences of their fun. While thousands upon thousands of Americans were enjoying their new “magical” computers, there was a whole race of people who were dreading the innovation.

The Ellie are a race of people so small that a family of fifteen can fit in the concave of a teaspoon. In order to solve the problem of getting a piece of information from one spot in the computer to the other, Frollock and Leisurly enslaved millions of Ellie people. The Ellie were the perfect solution, because nobody at the time knew that they existed, and because they were so small they were easy to control.

So they were forced into living inside of our computers. And that’s why today’s computers have chimneys.