About interests:
“Same as yours!” or, “Everything.” (The idea here is to keep it vague until you know more about how she feels about taxidermy and collecting swords).

Where am I from?
“Same place as you!” or, “Everywhere.” (Again, be vague. Cultivate air of mystery. DO NOT SAY “Jersey”)

About my penis
"My penis has been tested under actual operational load to insure reliability during the most adverse operating conditions (such as in the extreme cold or with your dad asleep right next to us on the couch as we’re doing it!)."

"My penis is waterproof."

"Detailed, easy to follow instructions make having my penis inserted quick and simple, no special tools or knowledge required."

"My penis cleans, then waxes, restoring original luster."

"With proper care, my penis will hopefully never fall off again."

On the art of sensual massage
"I will rub you."

Also, "I am prepared to apply varying degrees of pressure, with a kneading or pounding - or just a more thorough, vigorous rubbing - so that, if you need a deep muscle massage, I can get all down in there."

"A friend of mine has some oils, and it would be no big deal for me to borrow them. Or I can order them from this website I know."

Regarding any history of drug or alcohol abuse
Ask her accusingly, “What are you, a cop or something?”

Then, shift gears. Smile and say, “these days, the only drug I do is yoga, and if being addicted to yoga is a crime then I'm guilty as a motherfucker!”

Closing comments
“I’m sorry I forgot my wallet.”

“I should be moving out of my parent’s house within the next year or so.”

“As soon as the economy picks up, I plan to get serious about looking for a job.”

“I can’t stand up right now, because I have an erection, so you just go ahead without me.”