The best 90210 ever
The best episode of 90210 was the one where Brandon and Steve got all into D&D. Then David finds out and he's all "I never mentioned this before, but Scott and I used to play, before he died" And it turns out David is a Dungeon master, so he has a 6 10 12 50 and 100-sided die. So they roll the die, and since it's 90210 two days later they are all worshipping Satan, and Brandon is greasing his stupid sideburns with slaughtered lamb fat.

And Steve is thisclose to sacrificing Donna, when Dylan bursts in with a bible and Steve touches the bible and his Fukking blonde afro bursts into flames and Steve finally is dead, to the joy of all. Then all the "kids" go to the Peach Pit.

Cameron Diaz Breaks Out into Song, Acne
Wouldn't that be a great headline?

Terror Alert
The Homeland Security threat level was raised from "Holy Shit Most of us are Gonna Die" to "HOLY SHIT WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE." But don't let it ruin Christmas. Everyone has to die sometime, just ask Jesus.

Some Guy in Iraq
The other day, (before we "got" Sadaam) the press was all about how the US "may have captured or killed" some Iraqi guy who was supposed to be important for some reason. I don't know, maybe he was high up on their deck of Iraqi playing cards. Like if you had him and say, Oday Hussein, that'd be Black Jack.

Anyway it turns out he wasn't captured or killed. I don't know how you can not be sure about the distinction. Can you look at a guy and be like "uh is he captured or dead or neither cause I can't tell just by looking at him. I mean not-him."

There are no free rides at the Neverland Ranch
Don't people understand by now that that's the arrangement? On the one hand you win fabulous cash and prizes, and get to live at a friggin amusement park, and go on shopping sprees to Toys'r'Us. The flip side is that you also have to play with Michael Jackson's "special toys".

But think about it, it's kinda worth it. I don't know why the glass always has to be half empty with these kids. Whaaaa Whaaaaa I have Cancer. Whaaaaa Michael drugged me and force me to touch his balls. Whaaaa Whaaaa! Friggin crybaby.

***