White Guy Gets Job!!!!
Last month on NBC's hit series The Apprentice, Bill, a white guy, surprised the entire world: he got a job!

The Apprentice brought together 16 candidates, only 7 of whom were white dudes. Already in the minority among contestants, one white dude was eliminated for each of the first four weeks, so things were looking pretty grim for the white guy race, a demographic that already has severe problems dancing and jumping*.

Congratulations Bill, this is not only a victory for you, but for all white guys, everywhere!

*It is also notable that when a white guy does something, he does it in an uptight mannner. A brother? A brother does the same task in a much cooler, more laid-back manner. And women always be all shopping.

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What's up with having to do taxes?
It seems to me, my boss and the federal government need to just get this shit right the first time, and leave me the fuck out of it. I mean, don't we have so-called "computers" that can figure out what I owe without my involvement? I seriously have better things to do than figure out who fucked up all year overcharging my ass. Hey, what's this? The federal government owes me $400? Um, maybe you motherfuckers could have given me $8 more every week and we wouldn't be in this predicament.

Then again I'd just spend it on booze. This way I can at least get the GOOD booze.

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I'm going to make a movie about the Reagan presidency
But it's not going to be all bore-tarded like that one on Showtime. Since it took place in the 80's, I'll totally make it "rad". Like, for instance, when Reagan is working on funneling Iran-Contra money, there can be a musical montage, with "Separate Ways" or "Scarface(Push it to the Limit)" or some song like that.

And Gorbachev will have two cronies, that follow him everywhere; maybe they'll be all about closing down all the Youth Centers in Eastern Germany, to make way for Missle bases. And then there can be a scene where all these East German kids ask Reagan for America's help. But they don't just ask him... they rap the request with all crazy coordinated dance moves in front of the Lincoln Memorial. And Burt Reynolds Plays Reagan. And so on.

This shit writes itself.

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