Ralph Nader has released this report of skeletons in his own closet, which he hopes either candidate will use to debate him.

* Absolutely cannot drive 55.

* Too tall to relate to the "common man".

* Already ran for president once before.

* Masturbates to photos of clean air.

* Streaked the 2001 Presidential inauguration.

* Won't even climb into a fucking golf cart without giving it a five-point safety inspection.

* Was overheard saying, "America sucks dead donkey ass."

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