For the Pahty-Retahded...
What happens when you spend your high school years successfully getting into a prestigious university? You don't develop the necessary and appropriate party skills (i.e. alcohol tolerance/drug connections). Therefore, Harvard has appointed a new "Fun Czar."

"Following complaints that it does little to promote campus social life, the Ivy League school has hired its first "fun czar" -- Zac Corker, a recent Harvard graduate whose job is to build community spirit and help stressed-out students unwind."

"Apparently Jeremy Piven and Ryan Reynolds were unavailable."

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The Cos for Presidism Flizzle Flaz?
Still licking the wounds of defeat, Democrats are looking for the perfect candidate in 2008 - someone who can take on Ahnold, Cheney, and Rove. One reporter suggests some alternatives to the usual (boring) suspects, like Bill Cosby.

"A successful, much-loved black man touting education and family-values—what's not to love?"

"If he could get Cockroach to be his Attorney General, I'd vote for him."

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Heil Harry
Is it his first official royal blunder? Prince Harry is being asked to personally apologize for dressing as a Nazi to a costume party.

"...for a royal to think it a "lark to dress up in the trappings of a genocidal dictatorship" was "mind-boggling".

"While you're at it, someone ask Christina Aguilera to apologize for her "skanky ho" costume of the past four years..."

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Our Tsunami?
According to Kent Brownridge, the separation of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt is US Weekly's equivalent to a natural disaster which killed at least 150,000 people, injured one supermodel, and left millions of non-supermodels homeless, starving and disease-ridden.

"For a celebrity weekly, this is our tsunami... I can't think of anything bigger than the king and queen of Hollywood breaking up."

"I was calling it our 9/11 Two. It's like they flew a plane right into our hearts."

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Kittenpants

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