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THE DAILY SCOOP
Wednesday, February 09, 2005

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Caution: VD approaches.
As we near the dreaded St. ValentiMes Day, love is indeed in the air. Last weekend my parents celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary and my Mom and I had the following conversation:

Me: Thirty-eight? Wow. Two more years and it's another milestone. What is 40, brass? Quartz? Cubic Zirconia?

My Mom: I believe it's Murder/Suicide Pact.

In honor of my hilarious Mom, I bring you Nicholas Moore's Valentine Poetry.

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TEN ROMANTIC HAIKUS

Your eyes are blue stars,
my love. But your "area"
smells like a French corpse.

The man and woman
dance nude. "Hurry. I've more piz-
zas to deliver."

Your beauty is known
to poets and painters. Did
we use a condom?

Your golden laughter
is what made me love your face.
Also: beer goggles.

I love you more than
life or my own body, yet,
strangely, less than shoes.

I never noticed
how womanly your scream is.
Oh, sorry. Wrong room.

I’ve thanked God for your
love. What does God want from me?
A fucking medal?

Snow flakes gently fall
on me and my booty call.
You need a ride where?

This lagoon reminds
me of a naked Brooke Shields.
Oh--and I love you.

Valentine’s Day shows
me how much I need you. I'm
talking to you, booze.

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