Text Messiah
More text messages I got from Coach:

I'm riding a wheelie all the way to Beverly Hills. No room on the "bitch seat," but my shoulders are free... Game?

On this next base jump, hang on to my clit for good luck.

Some fancy outdoorsman poured deer estrus in my mudslide last night. My abdomen is sore, and randy animals have been text messaging all morning.

The kids, wife, and I are wearing matching t-shirts, looking at lawn care products at Lowes. Later, in a fit of rage, I'll gorge on Tollhouse cookies and lean against the Hummer, sobbing.

I keep forgetting the troops.

Its Easter and I just passed a once-live Xmas tree, partially decorated, lying on the side of the highway.

The actor Michael J. Fox can't ride a skateboard anymore because he has a devastating form of Parkinson's disease.

I'm sitting in a car wash listening to "Armageddon It."

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kittenpants

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