Message-ly Delicious
More text messages I received from Coach.

Just texting u while I lie on my back in the food court in your mall, letting skaters ollie over my bod. Is there an easier way to get amazin' abs?

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These sunglasses are so big you and I could each have a lens as a faceshield while walking abreast to a leisure activity.

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I just got my collie, Randy, a child-size cone at DQ, and the little fuck wigged and barfed all over your future plans. Sorry. Time to start over...

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I'm racially yours!

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King Konrad III, having captured the town of Weisberg, Germany, declared its women could depart unharmed with anything they could carry. The women left town carrying their husbands (Dec 21, 1140).

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My cousin emailed me photos of his newly redesigned bedroom. His girlfriend/designer, Raegene, calls it "country leopard."

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Rolly from Amen died this morning in my arms. His last words were, "Sorry to let you down, Boss."

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The trouble with smuggling a brisket is how it makes your tote bag smell (not to mention the au jus gets on your shades).

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Applied logic puzzlers are gateways to an hour-long milking. (You'll love it at Levitt's!)

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A naturalist observed an eagle drown itself by sinking its talons in the back of a whale and never letting go. Eagles are stupid.

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Kittenpants

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