Carol, open up the file on the Judson account. Blainey, call Carol and hang up. Then perk us some drip coffee. I need a large drip because at midnight I'm burning oil. Outfit the perculator with a dimmer and remote. I need the red light on the coffee pot to slowly dim to full bright red when I wake up. I also want to teach the dog.

I played a solo game of rock/paper/scissors then did 10 Suzys and ate a Peeps egg from Easter. Measured the table and chairs and will now outfit table set with custom flannel furniture pajamas at night. All furnishings need pajamas (AKA sleep couture). All personnel need to wear welding mask while brushing teeth.

I'm done after five and need a choco lift. Wait, CARAMEL. You get that it's CARAMEL not choco?

Okay please have Regan and Steph pretend to meditate. I need a peaceful sanctuary in this house in order to closet my pretenders of relaxation. Flip open all electrical outlets and wooden nickel plate them and return them to operational. "Juice and salad" needs to be repeated on the overhead speaker, and Becky did you finsh the new pledge of allegiance to the tomahawk? That tomahawk is what created this company. We need to symbolize it, praise it (and laff at it, because it's a pink-colored flashlight with a piece of flint taped to it).

Shower naked. Party with your clothes on. Drink and drive and swerve and nail all mail boxes. Smoke a spleef and braid my hair. Waddle walk to Hoboville, slap a bum. If the hobo has a nickel, bet him he don't eat for the day. Win nickel and cold cock it into the fountain. Wish for lottery.

If an Apple Jack was caught doing an impersontion of a deer, would he call himself Apple Doe?

Pickles are being sold on the curb by my house. I have shaved them into finger shape so you can pickle type, pickle pick your nose, pickle brush your hair, pickle beep your horn, pickle point out the gay flag, pickle dial the Alcoholics Anonymous and give them your name and address, pickle prop open the study door, pickle place an order of pastries for pickle fan club, pickle beat your battered buddy, pickle pop open a beer, pickle pick out your thong from those itchy party pants that Pete brought from Boston, pickle pinch you some snuff, pickle play some music on your pickle green ipod, pickle pledge allegiance to the pink battery powered light device that can spark a fire up if it was to approach another flint rock.

Another acheivement this year (on top of tricking out the basement): I finally finished the world's biggest crossword puzzle I got out of Sky Mall.

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