Now That's What I Call Celebrity Poetry, Vol. I
I wrote some haikus after browsing the hilarious Defamer and The Superficial.

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If somebody says,
"Hi. My name is Russell Crowe."
You should run away.

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Apparently Dunst
Is no treasure to look at
And maybe a ho.

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Guess Katie likes bats.
Every five fucking seconds
Tom Cruise goes batshit.

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Why is Jen upset?
Apparently Brad has been
Fucking the sofa.

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I wished on a star
And all my dreams came true when
Diaz got face-punched.

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Someone tell Affleck
"Smoking is bad for baby."
Also, "Hide your junk."

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Whitney is CRAZY.
It is no big surprise that
Bobby Brown beats her.

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Britney is dumb? Duh.
Tell me something I don't know.
(J-Lo shat on Ben.)

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Who is dating Fez?
He's stealing all the hotties.
Fucking immigrants.

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Nicole eats a lot.
Right, and Tara Reid is smart.
It's opposite day.

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Paris Hilton wants
To have a lot of babies.
Apocalypse now.

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Oh my God. Holy
Shit. Why are you showing me
Tobey Maguire's dick?

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Kittenpants

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