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THE DAILY SCOOP
Week of June 27-July 1, 2005

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kp: I'm not sure I follow. But "vitamins" sounds a little weak. Why not chant some voodoo shit while you're at it?
TJ:
"Don't die you fucking asshole, don't die."

kp: Oh. You're serio--
TJ:
"Don't die you FUCKING ASSHOLE."

kp: I'm almost afraid to ask how this ties into Scientology.
JM:
Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!

kp: Because the thing is, it's a little far-fetched.
RK:
Do you remember things that made sense? Things you could count on? Before we all got so lost? What are we gonna do, Charlie? What am I gonna do?

kp: Tom. You're talking about a 75-million year old evil galactic space overloard named Xenu; L. Ron Hubbard just made all this stuff up.
CB:
That's amazing. He should work for NASA or something like that.

kp: He's dead.
CB:
So much for the NASA idea.

kp: And before he died he was indicted on several--
V:
Six billion people on the planet, you're getting bent out of shape cause of one fat guy.

kp: I'm not bent out of shape. I think you're avoiding the question.
JM:
I am MISTER black people.

kp: Do you think it's your responsibility to introduce others to Scientology?
LTK:
One more and I get a set of steak knives.

kp: You've said the tents on the set of WAR OF THE WORLDS were just there for information--
JM:
But if anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together!

kp: Oh. I--
JM:
Help me... help you. Help me, help you.

kp: Wasn't there a time when you considered being a Catholic priest?
MM:
Oh, yes I did. I won my life back. YOU don't run me, and THEY don't run me!

kp: Did you experience something traumatic at the Franciscan school?
RK:
Penis! Penis! Big fucking erect penis, ma!

kp: Someone touched you? In your underpants?
CB:
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CINCINNATTI OR WHEREVER!

kp: Let me ask you something: are you out of your fucking mind?
MM:
Let me ask you something: are you out of your fucking mind?

kp: Okay. I should probably wrap this up.
NA:
I know why you don't talk. Because you're angry. You're angry because they make you wear a dress.

kp: Who?
BH:
It's beautiful. You always look beautiful.

kp: Thanks, I guess. I mean, I'm wearing pants, but whatever.
NA:
I will miss our conversations.

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