DIGITAL DYNAMITE
The latest text messages I've received from Coach.

I just ripped your "Property of G-Unit" sweatshirt chasing Edgar Winter with a laser pointer. It will happen again.
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A new myspace profile just ran down my leg...
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Imagine all the college students in the world filling out one gigantic scantron at the same time...
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I'll always be stuck behind slow farm equipment on the road, and I'll never be tan enough.
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The roof of my mouth is bleeding, the tips of my fingers smell like pennies, and I just got hit in the face with a hacky sack.
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I just found some "Night Moves." Know anyone looking for some?
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The employee of the month just bitch slapped me into next week. Thing is, next week's a new month, so I'm not moving my car.
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Party constantly for the rest of your life.
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I just made Grandy's sweet tea come out of Christopher Lowell's nostrils.
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July 4th = scratching the back of my knee with the cardboard of an empty 12-pack.
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I wouldn't touch that glass of Schiavo... It's been sitting too long.

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