YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
I've updated the Letters Forum.

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Dear kittenpants:
How many fools do you think Mr. T has pitied so far, and when are you going to update your letters forum?

bobo henry

Dear bobo henry:
What good questions. According to one site's web stats, only 168 thousand or so fools have been pitied. But I estimate the number is well over 3 million.

You know, if my middle name was "period" I also would not stand for very much jibba jabba.

Be good to your mom.
xoxo,
kittenpants

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Dear kittenpants:
Am I a bad person for not watching the Live 8 broadcast? It's just such a shitty lineup...

JP

Dear JP:
When you can see Gordon Lightfoot and Motley Crue on the same stage on the same day, you'd probably better go. I'm pretty sure that's one of the "seven signs." Who knows what kind of apocalyptic shit is gonna go down!?!

I'm hoping it was only the third or fourth sign, though, cause I just bought the winning lottery ticket.
xoxo,
kittenpants

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Dear Uncle Sloppy:
Are you pro free mustache rides? Or do you think they should cost more than free?

Holly ComesLightly

Dear Holly:
I believe that all mustache rides should be free at first (or "on spec" to use an advertising term). Then, after the trial period is over, a sliding scale should be employed. Pro-rated as per the length of the trial period and factoring in such variables as: length of ride, girth of mustache, weight of rider etc. Also a depreciated amount could be deducted from the net cost as per the number of follicles in the afforementioned mustache. Say, 10% per 200 follicles which could be applied to the fiscal period in which the initial ride occured.

I hope that answers your question, and feel free to call me for a demonstration. I got pie charts.
Love,
Uncle Sloppy

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