Last week I found that the drinking game I invented made watching the first presidential debate much more enjoyable. Here are the rules, so you can play along during the second and third face-offs:

• Whenever President Bush refers to a world leader by his/her first name: Do one shot. [Note: If Bush calls Syrian President Bashar al-Asad "Sweet-Cheeks", do two shots.]

• Each time Kerry mentions Vietnam: Do one shot. [Note: If Kerry rhymes Vietnam with "She da bomb", finish the bottle.]

• If Bush says either "camp" or "David": Snort a line of blow.

• Anytime Kerry talks about the 1980s: Fuck Morgan Fairchild.

• Whenever either candidate uses a secret code-word or facial signal to send a message to his Skull & Bones brethren: jack off in a coffin.

Matthew Tobey

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