Dear kittenpants:
I am having severe withdrawal symptoms from Motor City. I constantly need to breath fire, and have tried everything from toothpaste to vaginal cream to no avail. Something is missing in my life, and though i may drink gallons of Australian beer, it just is not the same as Brooklyn Lager. I wake up in the night and hallucinate that Mikey, Kimberly and yourself are making me listen to the Clash again and again, and Taryn is forcing liquid flaming lambourginis down my throat. Help, help me now!!!!!!! Before I go on a sabre tooth koala killing spree!!!!!

Stormy

Dear Stormy:
The problem is, you're doing everything upside-down. Please leave Australia as soon as possible.

See you soon.
xoxo,
kittenpants