Dear kittenpants:
As you may recall, I used to be a staunch supporter of the Donkeys Are People Too Foundation. Well, it turns out, donkeys are not people at all. They're just donkeys; foul, stupid animals that are nothing but an easy, clichéd punchline.

However, orphans ARE real, and they have a very real emotional need for butterfly kisses. So, I want you to send me $10,000 (no fucking canadian money) so that I can manage the coordination of the dissemination of the aforementioned butterfly kisses. Your donation is completely tax deductible.

Please, won't you help make the orphans smile?

If you don't send me the money, the orphans are as good as dead. I know I can count on you.

Love,
Omar Curiel
President
BKFO

Dear Omar:
Tell you what: you send ME the 10 grand and I'll give those orphans a night they won't forget.

These are sexy orphans, right?
xoxo,
kittenpants