Dear Uncle Sloppy:
Are you pro free mustache rides? Or do you think they should cost more than free?

Holly ComesLightly

Dear Holly:
I believe that all mustache rides should be free at first (or "on spec" to use an advertising term). Then, after the trial period is over, a sliding scale should be employed. Pro-rated as per the length of the trial period and factoring in such variables as: length of ride, girth of mustache, weight of rider etc. Also a depreciated amount could be deducted from the net cost as per the number of follicles in the afforementioned mustache. Say, 10% per 200 follicles which could be applied to the fiscal period in which the initial ride occured.

I hope that answers your question, and feel free to call me for a demonstration. I got pie charts.
Love,
Uncle Sloppy