Dear Corn Mo:
I have a problem. My long-time crush (for 5 years) has now got a girlfriend and I can't handle it. Me and him had recently started talking and we began falling in love all over again, and then I found out that he now has a girlfriend... what happend? and how do I get over it?

Sumone Sexy

Dear Sumone Sexy:
If he's falling in love with you then he shouldn't have a girlfriend for much longer. You should go get a pint of Chubby Hubby and rent Serendipity starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsdale. He knew he loved her and she him but they got lost from each other and spent years trying to find one another. Didn't really look that hard* because Cusack found time to fuck a supermodel and convince her to marry him. But then "Serendipity" stepped in and he and Jeremy Piven started looking for Beckinsale.

Of course he found her while lying in the middle of a skating rink in Manhattan which will never happen; they will kick you out.

So, wait til he breaks up with her (because no one likes a homewrecker) and then pounce him like a goddamn tiger--break into his room and fuck the shit out of him. If he cries during sex, then you know you're a winner. You can't win if you're not entered.

Love,
Corn "2 thumbs up on Serendipity" Mo

*read "The Puppy Who Lost His Way".